More than two years later...

Wow! What a trip to read these posts more than two years later. Kind of funny to find myself in almost the same spot now, but with a few changes. In my previous weight loss push in the fall of 2012, I got down to a low of 141 and fit into all my size 6 pants. I felt great and I did it just from running and eating less. Very little to no strength training. The pic below is what I looked like around my skinniest, in my favorite size 6 jeans and size S leather jacket.

Feeling good at a work party with Colin Firth...

Then, after the holidays, I was at 144 and ready to try to push again when, at the end of January, I found out I was pregnant! I had the best intentions of trying to keep running and working out and eating healthy. And mostly, I did alright.

I ran sporadically up to about five months along. Very little working out, though. I had morning sickness during the first trimester and I became a bread eating monster. The carb indulgence didn't really slow down throughout the rest of the pregnancy, but I was hyper conscious about my weight gain so I was on the scale at least weekly. I wanted to do everything right for the baby, but also didn't want to let my weight get away from me. I felt like I could easily revert back to the way I was when I was way overweight and just stuck my head in the sand, ate whatever I wanted and never stepped on a scale.

I think I struck the right balance. Oliver was born in October 2013 at a normal, healthy weight. And the day I went into the hospital to have him, I weighed 78 pounds, exactly 34 pounds more than I was when I got pregnant. My goal was to stay between the 25 and 35 pounds recommended for preggos at a normal weight.

Exactly a year later. Much cuter than Colin Firth. (Sorry, Colin.)

I lost about 20 pounds in the month after he was born, just breastfeeding and recovering from a c-section. But then once I got down to 158-160 pounds, the weight loss came to a screeching halt. At first, because I had problems getting breastfeeding established, I was paranoid about dieting or exercising and having that mess up with feeding him. So I coasted through until about February, when I decided enough was enough and I was ready to get back on track.

I joined Belly Bootcamp here in Toronto, workout classes that are an hour long and where I could bring Oliver with me. I did that twice a week starting sometime at the end of February, beginning of March. I had a good chunk of weight loss in March, bringing me down to about 155. And then I stagnated some more.

I continued the classes, tried to eat better and cut out bread and pasta and slowly added back in running as the weather got warmer. I started running more consistently in May or June and despite such a long, long break, it was easy to pick up again, I think because of all the strength training I'd been doing.

I was dying to get back into the 140s because it felt so much closer to the promised land I'd been working toward since 2006 when I began losing weight. I had to keep some perspective and remind myself that there was a lot to celebrate and be proud of. When Oliver was born, I was still about 20 pounds lighter than I was when I joined Weight Watchers in 2006 at 196 pounds. And that was with a full-term baby!

I made another push this fall and by Christmas I was down to 149.3 Finally! But. Christmas... Right. When I got back to Toronto, I was 152 and change. Now, a week and half of good eating and exercise, and I am back at 149.4 this morning.

We have a vacation coming up in February and my goal is to be 140. I know it's ambitious, but I figure aim high (or low!) and maybe, I'll land somewhere close. I'm pretty motivated since it's a warm weather vacay and I'm pretty sure I'll be wearing a bikini for a good part of a week. I'll try to actually keep up with this fledging little blog thing. I don't know if I can even call it a blog, since I've posted six times in two and half years!

Finally! Progress again.

143.1 this morning! Some movement in the right direction. Whenever the scale goes down, it always makes me more determined to stick with my eating and exercising goals, so I hopefully get a repeat the next day. When I got a 144.6 yesterday, it made me want to throw my hands in the air, say fuck it and tuck myself into a greasy, cheesy lunch of some sort. Mmmm... grilled cheese. Mmmmm... fried things. Sorry. The difference between now and two months ago was that I didn't do it. 

Also, as I said yesterday, I'm trying to focus for the moment on how my clothes are fitting, too, rather than letting the scale dictate my mood. I'd take measurements and assess that as well, but I can never seem to take them in the same place and the same way. 

So this morning, to celebrate my drop on the scale, I spent 20 minutes playing one of my favoruite weight loss games: What Can I Fit Into Now?!? (TM)  :) Today promises to be one of the last truly hotter, summer-like days up here and I decided that the time was right to break out one of my summer skirts—which, of course, I never ended up wearing all summer because I ate like a pig and gave up exercise. Mostly I'm a size 8, with a few things I picked up in a size 6 when I got down to 142 last summer. I've gotten rid of everything in size 10 and up, except for one pair of size 16 fat pants. Ick.

This morning's closet raid produced two size 6 skirts, one from Loft and one from J.Crew, and two size 4 skirts (!) from Ann Taylor and some outdoorsy company I've never heard of. The size 6's look great. Bam, done. The size 4 from Ann Taylor would look best with another five pounds gone, although it could work with a shirt that's looser around the middle to hide my still-there hint of muffin top. Back into the closet for that one. That can double as a fall skirt, so I'll try it on again in a few weeks. 

But my other size 4—bought at the beginning of August in Minnesota with my BFF as a "someday" purchase, spurred on by the super low sale price and the two glasses of wine I had at lunch—looked great. Felt great. Awesome! And can I tell you how much I love this skirt, like how super cute it is?? Light, white cotton, just above knee length, slightly A line, with a slight pencil-looking drawing of a branch on the side. Well, now I've decided to stop being lazy and just find a picture of it...

...And, I'm back. Apparently, it no longer exists. The company is Lole, which has now led me further down the rabbit's hole of the net, as I just got caught up in shopping their site. Damn interwebs. So you'll have to take my word for it. It's cute. It's slimming. It's a size 4 and I look great in it. So FU scale!!! Who needs you?? (Actually, um, I do. So... same time tomorrow?)

Day 3 -- 9/12/12

Here are the stats for today...

SW: 152
CW: 144.7
GW#1: 135
GW#2: 130-135

Exercise done: 8k run in the evening + Level 1 workout, JM 30-Day Shred in the morning

What I'm Eating:
**Breakfast**

Two slices of nutty, whole grain toast for breakfast (YUM!): 220 cals

Two tsps of light butter: 60 cals
One tsp sugar (for my iced tea): 15 cals

**Snack**

Almonds: 100 cals

Apple: Free

**Lunch**
Large salad for lunch (full bowl of spinach, carrots, mushrooms, cucumber, pineapple, mandarin oranges, mango): Free
Light Asian sesame dressing: 45 cals

Sliced almonds: 40 cals

**Snack**
Kale chips: 100 cals

**Dinner**

Homemade vegetable soup: 100 cals (for EVOO, veggie broth and milk in the soup)

**Slip-UP**

Two tbsp of light smooth peanut butter and two tbsp of strawberry jam: 260 cals

Cup of skim milk: 100 cals(On the SGD, fruits and vegetables don't count toward daily calorie target.)

Target: 900 cals
Total: 1,040 cals
Over: +140 cals

How I'm feeling: A bit crummy. Disappointed that the weight loss wasn't more today. After bobbing around at 144ish for almost a week now, I fully expected to drop. In the past my weight loss has happened in this manner: bob around at a weight for awhile, then suddenly I'll drop a pound or so a day for a couple days in a row, bringing me to a new weight where I bob around again. I felt quite skinny today inspite of it, though. The colourful jeggings I bought at the beginning of the summer feel quite loose and less like skintight leggings. So I'm trying to focus for the moment less on the weight and more on how clothes are fitting. Another factor is the 30 Day Shred video. Where before I was doing straight cardio in the last month, now I'm adding in weights and trying to work on muscle definition. That always has stopped my weight loss in the past, at least temporarily. Just have to stay motivated and keep pushing!

Bad start to the day...

Ughhhh... What a shitty (literally) start to this day. Sprung out of bed when I woke up to find our old dog taking a dump in our bedroom. I'm not a morning person to begin with, so you can imagine how grumpy I was at 5:30 in the morning, cleaning this up. To make matters worse, a giant zit has exploded on my chin. Then, I went in to weigh myself fully expecting to have dropped, considering my near perfect days of eating, running and shredding. Nope! Now I'm at 144.7. At the end of last week, I was at 143.4. FML. So now it's 7 am and the day hasn't even really started and I really just want it to be over.

Day 2 -- 9/11/12

So weird still, 11 years later, to type that date. Impossible not to see it and think of anything else but 9/11. I'll always, always remember, like so many others around the country and world. Definitely a melancholy feel to this day. Maybe a good day, too though, for a new beginning and a start to my little baby blog. So here's what I'm looking at today.

SW: 152
CW: 144
GW#1: 135
GW#2: 130-135

Planned exercise: 8k run + Level 1 workout, JM 30-Day Shred

What I'm Eating:
Nutty, whole grain toast for breakfast (YUM!): 220 cals
Light butter: 60 cals
Light popcorn: 260 cals
Large salad for lunch (full bowl of spinach, carrots, mushrooms, cucumber & tomatoes): Free
Light dressing: 45 cals
Egg whites: 34 cals
Apple: Free
Carrot sticks: Free
Protein smoothie: 180 (protein powder and 100% orange juice; mangoes and strawberries = free)
Kale chips: 50 cals

Target: 800 cals
Total: 849 cals
Over: +49 cals

(On the SGD, fruits and vegetables don't count toward daily calorie target.)

How I'm feeling: Awesome. Had a GREAT run home last night. Possibly one of the best I've had since starting this whole thing a month ago. Went to try on a jacket at Patagonia and discovered that the S is too big, especially in the arms and chest. Had to go with an XS, which is CRAZY. According to reviews online though, the jacket runs big and almost everyone had to order a size down, so shouldn't be as excited. Am, however, wearing a size 6 pair of jeans today. I have the same pair in an 8 and when I got down to 142 late last summer, the 8 was a bit big. When they went on sale, I ordered the same pair in a size 6, but never got a chance to wear them. Put them on this morning and they look really good. So I've been strutting around in them all day, feeling quite skinny and happy with myself. Looking forward to a run home, smoothie for dinner, dog walk and a little Shredding. Can't wait to see what number the scale brings me tomorrow!

Day 2, Day 30, Day 2,308

Six years, three months and 24 days ago, I joined Weight Watchers. When I stepped on the scale, I weighed 196 pounds. This was after three weeks of "dieting" and sort of following their online program. So I'm guessing my starting weight was actually over 200 pounds. Shocking. I had no idea at the time—and might not have even started if I had known—that it would take me those 2,308 days to get here.

To be fair it did take me from the age of 18 to 26 to go from 135 pounds when I graduated high school to 196 pounds on that day in May. So eight years to go up and less than six years to go back down. My hope is that because of the time it has taken me and the way I've lost the weight, gradually changing my habits again and again and again, that I won't put it back on ever again.

So, where am I today? The lowest weight I've gotten to on this weight loss "journey" was 142 pounds last summer. Between stress and training for my third marathon, I very briefly managed to have that number appear on the scale. Once. Since October of last year, I packed pounds back on, getting all the way back to 158, a number I never thought I would see again. I nearly wanted to cry when I finally faced up to the fact that I had done this to myself again through burying my head in the sand and eating whatever the fuck I wanted to. Most of my new "skinny" clothes, bought at between 144 - 147, were either insanely tight or not fitting at all.

I felt the weight gain in the strangest places, too. It wasn't just around my belly and thighs, which are always problem areas. My upper arms were thicker and some of my favourite slim fitting shirts were a no-go for wearing.

Yet, still I did virtually nothing about it. I haphazardly tossed in a run here and there, had a couple of good eating days, followed by bad ones. Didn't really count calories or really measure portions. In short, I half-assedly tried to lose weight all summer—but not really.

Then in late July, early August, a couple of things happened. One, my period was a week late, which never happens, and I was convinced that I was preggers. I was simultaneously freaked out and thrilled. Freaked out because it wasn't planned and my husband and I have an agreement that once I reach my 135 goal weight, we would try. Thrilled because all of the sudden that biological clock, which I was sure wouldn't affect me, was affecting me. And I want a baby. Now.

Then a week—and four negative pregnancy tests later—my period came and I felt a little sad and empty. Around that same time, we went to Minnesota to visit my best friend and favourite running buddy. We started every morning with a run together, just like old times, chatting away the entire three to five miles.

When I got back home, with new momentum from running every day and new motivation for getting to 135 once and for all, I decided to keep it going.

That was 30 days ago today. In that time, I've dropped 8.5 pounds, logged 118 miles and now fit in all my clothes again. Plus, I'm only 8 pounds from my 135 lb. goal. In the next 30 days, my goal is to drop the remaining 8 pounds, plus a little extra for insurance. My goal remains 135, but I'd like to maintain between 132 and 135.

So I'm on Day 2 of my final weight loss plan. For reals. I leave for London on a work trip on October 11, one month from today. When I depart, I will be 134 lbs. or less. To shock and awe my body into dropping the last and hardest bit of weight, I'm adding the Skinny Girl Diet and JM 30-Day Shred to my current weight loss plan of lots of running and clean eating.

I've never been this focused and dedicated or felt this much resolve in all my 2,308 days of weight loss. I know this is it. This is the time to lose it. I'm keeping this journal to track myself, my food, my weight, my runs and how I feel through all of it so I can look back and see what I've done. If I can do it, anyone can.